


The Light Mets the Dark

by The_Fennec_Wolf



Series: NPCs of Vayl [3]
Category: Countless Heroes, TTRPG Streams
Genre: Depression, Low Self-Esteem, Morally Ambiguous Character, Regret, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, post episode 50
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 14:17:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16704028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Fennec_Wolf/pseuds/The_Fennec_Wolf
Summary: Jastra searches for an ending and finds a beginning. { MIND THE TAGS. THIS IS A DARKER FICLET}





	The Light Mets the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> The tags are there for a reason. Should you need ever help, my inbox is always open and https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ has an online chat along with a number to call.

Jastra sighed as she stared at the edge of the cliffs once more, unsure of why she was repeating this ritual again. Maybe it was because it was all that she had left. After what happened with the king and the Leviathan being summoned to destroy the castle, her daughter had fled. A hand went to the locket she wore (inside a lock of hair from Seldanna’s first haircut) and closed her eyes, thinking of how much pain was in her daughter’s eyes as she ran off with Lark. The Elf felt her throat tighten and screwed her eyes shut as tears threatened to spill forth. In an effort to save the city from what she thought were other’s sins (but were the result of her past  arrogance), she’d lost those that mattered most to her. Her hands shook as she held Lark’s last message to her and looked down at the parchment causing tears to hit it, leaving the ink bleeding through the parchment. 

 

Staring at his words, she let a bitter laugh bubble out of her. What did the young Goliath know of forgiveness and redemption? Jastra wrapped her arms around herself tighter as the brisk sea air cut through the heavy cloak that she was wearing. The Elf thought him a kind hearted fool. There was no redemption for someone with as much blood on her hands and the destruction in her wake. With slow movements, she unbuckled her cloak clasp before folding it next to her. Her boots soon sat next to the cloak and she shivered even more, unable to stop her tears. It was better this way, wasn’t it? 

 

The city was finally at a place where it could right the past while her daughter was somewhere safe. And while she may have come to feel something more for Lark, it was clear their time was done as well. Hesitantly, she began to walk towards the edge of the cliff as the thoughts in her head grew to a drum like crescendo beating against her temples. This was all that was left to her. There was nothing for her to go back to in Cinderhaven. Lark had been wrong about her.  ‘ _ His words were hollow platitudes meant to comfort himself. He would’ve met with you otherwise. Lark, just like Seldanna is sickened by you. You’re a murderer and a traitor’ _ , the thoughts whispered as she crumpled the parchment even more. Who could forgive someone like her, after all she had done?

 

Her  toes brushed against the edge of the cliff temporally jolting her out of her thoughts as fear gripped her heart. An instance later, the thoughts were back, coaxing her to just leap over the edge. ‘ _ No one would remember her _ ,’ they whispered, _ ‘this would stop everything. There would be no more guilt, no more pain, you could finally do something meaningful.’   _ Her foot moved forward a little as bits of dirt and pebbles crumbled, falling into the sea below with no sound. It would be over quickly if she was lucky. If not, then the universe was just, given how many had suffered under the choices she had made. Jastra looked down at the water and felt something inside her scream in protest as her foot hovered in the air. All it would take is just one more step. 

 

One small step. Then she would be free. As Jastra attempted to move, her ankle twisted causing her to crumble to the ground in an undignified heap. Tears streamed down her face as she beat at the ground with her fists. Why couldn’t she do anything right? Was she this much of a failure that she couldn’t even end it properly? Gods, she was just so pathetic, no wonder everyone had left her. Sobs racked  her body as the thoughts continued and the tears flowed like a river down her face. Jastra wasn’t sure how long she laid there sobbing but eventually the tears stopped. Maybe she could just crawl over the edge, she thought, looking towards the ledge. 

 

The parchment in her hand fluttered in the breeze causing her to look at the paper once more. A single line, one of the few that’s still readable on the torn parchment, caught her attention “ _ Please remember that mistakes are always forgivable”  _  She let out a small laugh as she continued to stare at the words before sitting up. Jastra traced Lark’s words gently, unsure what to do now, warring with her emotions and thoughts. Carefully, she put the ruined letter back into a pocket on her dress and looked back over the cliffs. Perhaps there would never be forgiveness for her. If that was the case, maybe she could at least do something about her mistakes, something to try and atone for what she did. Maybe then, she’d get some form of a life back. 

 

The Elf slowly stood, ignoring the pain in her ankle as she carefully hobbled to where her boots and cloak were. Donning the items, she turned her back to the cliff and began to make her way towards the road, intent on finding somewhere outside of Cinderhaven that she could maybe earn a chance at redemption. 

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope Jastra finds some sort of redemption. *fingers crossed that's what Logan does with her character and arc* Also Jastra isn't mine. She belongs to Countless Heroes and you can find them streaming almost every night on twitch.tv/wearenerdsmith . Go watch it, it's great.


End file.
